


Forever and Ever

by MatrixMarvel



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Relationship, F/M, Feels, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Mentions of War, Protective Bucky Barnes, Worried Bucky Barnes, reader has pstd
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-22
Updated: 2019-06-29
Packaged: 2020-05-16 11:38:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19317418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MatrixMarvel/pseuds/MatrixMarvel
Summary: Unable to escape the past, you leave the Compound and Bucky goes looking only to find that you have some news for him which will change both of your lives.





	1. Nowhere to be Found

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Triggers for PTSD, swearing, angst.
> 
> Enjoy!

Darkness. Waking up to it in the middle of the night was nothing new for you, but ten years after the war in the Middle East, sometimes everything still hits you right in the face. Course it would, images like that never leave people no matter how much therapy they undertake. No matter how hard they try to block them from their mind, they have a way to creep back to the front, to make them remember. To make you remember. That vicious cycle was beginning once again and every time it was harder to fight.

  
Distinguishing what was real and what wasn’t doesn’t come easy, the two can easily blend into each other, giving off a reality you aren’t sure off. Some things look like the present and others the past, and it’s the past you give most attention to. Why? Because you know you’re in the present and trying to force the past to leave. But when these things blend together in your dreams, then it’s a whole different ball game. Much harder to differentiate.

  
As a result, you subconsciously wake up, either on your own, screaming or someone trying to wake you and you’ve experienced all three. This night you’ve woken on your own despite the sleeping body next to you, your Bucky. Usually, you’d cuddle up to him and fall asleep in his embrace, but not tonight, this time it was bad. The guilt washed over you in waves, countless lives gone because you couldn’t save them.  Your fault. 

   
Sighing, you lifted the covers from your body, sitting up at the same time to get out of bed. There was no point in sleeping, your mind wouldn’t allow it. Looking back at Bucky, he hadn’t moved so you grabbed your phone from the bedside table and found some clothes to throw on. The fresh air would clear your mind and you needed the space to think about the future of your place on the team and your relationship with Bucky. With the news you had yet to tell him, you didn’t know how he was going to react to it, it would make or break your relationship and it scared you.

  
Taking one last look at the man you love, you grabbed your bag from on top of the chest of draws and turned off your phone, stuffing it into your pocket. Silently, you opened the door to your shared room and stepped out into the corridor, the early morning sun from the window at the end offered little light but enough for you to find your way to the elevator. It was only four in the morning, roughly an hour’s walk to the local town from The Compound but at least the rental place was open twenty-four hours.  
A part of you hated to leave Bucky without telling him where you were going, it broke your heart but if you did then he’d come and find you and you didn’t want him to. Not until you had enough time to think everything through and get your head clear of the terrors which still haunted you. 

 

* * *

  

The sun streamed through the gaps in the blinds which covered the windows to the room, filling it with the pale morning light, signalling the start of another warm summer’s day in upstate New York. The light landed on the sheets which were covering Bucky’s sleeping and peaceful body, the dust particles dancing through the air in the morning haze. In the midst, Bucky stirred, though not to the usual ringtone of your alarm going off, instead it was to an unfamiliar silence.

  
It took the super soldier a few moments to become fully conscious, blinking a couple of times and allowing his eyes to get used to the light streaming into the room. Bucky’s muscles, tired from sleep, felt heavy as he rolled himself over, expecting to find you lying beside him. However, he was met with an empty bed, the covers already pushed back so perhaps he’d finally slept through one of your alarms. He reached over to find the sheets cold, you’d been up a while it seemed. Bucky reached for his phone beside him, no messages from you to say you’d gone out or for a run. maybe he’d seen you later on after his workout in the gym. He dragged himself out of bed and quickly changed into his gym clothes for his morning workout session, putting the worrying to the back of his mind.

  
When he returned to his room mid-morning, it strangely looked the exact same as he’d left it, no towel or clothes you would’ve thrown into the laundry pile were there and after checking the bathroom, the shower hadn’t been used. Bucky tried not to over think this as he showered and changed, thinking you might be in the kitchen and you’d stomach rumbled, forcing him to get up and out of bed to cease the growling. Yet, when he got to the kitchen, you weren’t there and Bucky tried not to over think this. You’d probably forgotten to text him.

  
Much to his surprise, you weren’t in the kitchen either so he decided to try the roof, somewhere you and him spent a lot of your time together. Yet, when he got up there, you were nowhere to be found, the large sofa and sunbeds unoccupied. Panic rose within him a little, Bucky tended to find you up there after a nightmare but if you weren’t there, where were you? Bucky headed back into the building and down to the living floor of The Avenger’s building, maybe someone had seen you.

  
Come to think of it, he didn’t check the room to see if you’d actually gone running so Bucky found himself back in his room, staring at your wardrobe only to find your running gear hanging up. He took a couple of deep breaths, composing himself, you were okay, you had to be. He decided to try one more time in the kitchen, since most people if not everyone would be over there by now.

  
“Hey, anyone seen Rachel this morning?”  Was the question he asked everyone when he entered.

  
The others looked at him with a shake of their head or told him they hadn’t seen you yet. Bucky decided to try and call you, but your phone went straight to voicemail.

  
“Fuck.” He murmured, trying to keep his breath steady with a deep sigh.

  
“Buck?” Steve’s voice sounded behind him. “Everything okay?” He asked as Bucky spun around to face his best friend.

  
“Rach’s phone is off, and I can’t find her. She usually texts me if she goes for a run and hasn’t.” There was a flash of worry across Bucky’s face.

  
“She probably forgot, bud.” Steve placed a reassuring hand on Bucky’s shoulder.

  
“I don’t know.” Bucky wasn’t convinced.

  
“Listen if she’s not back in an hours’ time, then we’ll start looking, okay?”

  
Bucky sighed. “Okay.”

  
“Captain, Sergeant.” FRIDAY announced. “If I may, Miss Rachel left The Avengers’ Facility at around four am this morning.”

  
Bucky looked at Steve with an alarming expression.

  
“Did she take a car?” Steve asked.

  
“No, she left on foot.”

  
“She doesn’t want to be found.” Bucky said sadly, fighting back the tears that were threatening to form in his eyes. “Not even by me.”

  
Steve stepped closer to Bucky so he could put a comforting arm around the man to console him.

  
“We’ll find her Buck.” He said with an encouraging smile, although he wasn’t persuaded. At that moment, Tony was approaching them with a Starkpad in his hands.

  
“FRIDAY, run facial recognition scans on cameras in town. Let’s see if she’s passed through there.” Tony told the AI.

  
“On it, boss.” He laid the tablet down on the desk before glancing up at Bucky.

  
“Cap’s right. We’ll find her.” Bucky’s lips formed a small smile, continuously grateful for the support from everyone on the team.

  
His attention was diverted to the tablet, showing the scan being performed by FRIDAY and he recognised most of the places the street cameras were showing. Bucky couldn’t look at it for long, his mind was quickly being consumed of concerned thoughts about you, worrying if you were okay and wondering why you’d gone off like that. He ran an anxious hand through his dark hair with a deep breath, trying to keep it together in front of everyone. Why was this damn scan taking so long?

  
“Boss, I’ve been unable to find a match.” FRIDAY’s announcement of the results only deepened Bucky’s despair.

  
“Damn, I taught her too well.” Bucky mumbled.

  
“Bucky, is there anywhere you think she coulda gone?” Steve asked and Bucky shut his eyes for a moment.

  
“The lake, maybe?” He shrugged. “Or the clearing, it’s her head clearing space if she’s not gone to the roof.”

  
“You think this might have something to do with her PSTD?” Steve questioned.

  
Bucky nodded. “Maybe. But she usually tells me, that’s the point. That she needs the space, so I don’t disturb her until she’s worked through the shit in her head. But this…” He trailed off, casting his gaze to the floor. “I’m so worried.”

  
“We know you are, bud.” Steve squeezed his shoulder. “How about I go to the lake and you head to the clearing, see if she’s there.” He suggested. Bucky lifted his head with a heavy motion.

  
“Yeah.” He put on his strongest voice and nodded in agreement.

  
“I’d ask around in town too.” Tony chipped in.

  
“He has a point.” Steve agreed. “I’ll head into town if she’s not at the lake.”

  
“Thanks, pal.” Bucky flashed him a smile. “You too, Tony.”

  
“Anytime Barnes.” Tony nodded in return. 

  

* * *

 

 

Bucky arrived at the clearing in record time, it was the furthest away of the two locations and Steve had already confirmed to him that you weren’t been at the lake and he was heading to town. After parking his motorcycle as close as he could, he ran up to the path which led to it, in hopes of finding you there. He didn’t want to startle you so as he reached it, Bucky slowed down to a walk, a fast one at that. If you weren’t there… Bucky had no idea what he was going to do. The thought of losing you, well, that was too much to bear, he couldn’t lose you, not after everything you’d been through with him, not now.

  
The clearing came into view, a seamlessness transition between a somewhat dense forest and a beautiful open space. The blue and white wildflowers covering the forest floor were in a lively bloom, shadows were cast over them from the oak trees blocking the golden sunlight. The grass crunched under Bucky’s feet as he took in the scene before him, the serenity of the open space and where a few patches of grass were taller than the rest, the stalks weaved in the light breeze. Birds sang in the branches above him, flitting from tree to tree, branch to branch, the only disturbance to a peaceful setting.

  
There was something missing to this otherwise perfect forest clearing and it made Bucky’s heart constrict in his chest. The sole purpose of his visit wasn’t there, you. With a deep sigh, Bucky leaned back against a trunk of a tree and let his body collapse in a heap in the floor, the tears escaping his eyes. Curling up into a tight ball, he wondered where he’d gone wrong, what he could’ve done to drive you away, to make you want to be alone. Was he no longer good enough for you? Had you found someone else? Bucky’s anxiety was kicking in hard.

  
Communication was something you and him always did well over the years, not so good to begin with but as time went on Bucky had found the courage to actively talk to you. Whether about his feelings, his day or his worries and you listened without judging and accepting him for who he was. Bucky cherished that the most, given his dark past and in time he found that you weren’t so different from him, suffering from the struggles of surviving the war in the East. He didn’t possess much knowledge about it, but from what you’d told him it had been brutal and bloody, riddled with losses.

  
It had been here when those conversations had taken place when you’d texted Bucky your location and had needed someone to talk to. Of course, he’d been there in a flash, sitting with you, lost in the blue and white sea, talking with you for hours. Both sharing little aspects of the past and healing together with a lifetime of promises to each other. Your golden-brown hair had shone in the streaks of afternoon sunlight while the odd tear had escaped your beautiful eyes, sharing the story.

  
Looking out across the clearing, a memory sparked in Bucky’s mind and he rose a little. He remembered a time you told him about the time you moved back to Philadelphia after discharging yourself from the Army. You’d struggled a lot, transitioning back into civilian life and into the city you knew and had grown up in. Bucky knew where you were.  
Quickly getting to his feet, he pulled his phone out of his pocket and called Steve.

  
“Hey Buck, I was just about to call you,” Steve answered.

  
“I think I know where she might be,” Bucky replied.

  
“Where?”

  
“At her parents’ beach house in Long Beach Township. She found it hard after she moved to DC and she told me she’d drive to their house when she was struggling.”

  
“Long Beach Township?” Steve repeated. “Where’s that?”

  
“Just north of Atlantic City.”

  
“Are you sure?”

  
“Not positive but that’s the only other place I can think of.”

  
“Okay, well I got something to add to that. Been asking around town and Rach hired a rental car this morning. Her lease is for a few days.”

  
“Long Beach is about a three-hour ride from here, Stevie.” Bucky informed. With the new development from Steve, Bucky was almost certain that was where you’d gone.  
“So, it’s possible. Do you know the address?”

  
“I know which beach it’s on, but not the street name. I know what it looks like though.” Bucky recalled the pictures you’d showed him.

  
“I’ve got details of the car she hired, I’ll send them over to you.”

  
“Yeah, thanks, pal.”

  
“Ride safe, okay Buck?”

  
“Don’t worry, I will.” Bucky reassured his friend.

  
“Keep me updated.”

  
“I will, catch you later.”

  
Bucky ended the phone call, retracing his steps down the path and his phone pinged with the details of your rental car. His heartbeat quickened in his chest with the uncertainty of how he was going to find you when he got there.

  
The ride down to Long Beach Township was painstakingly long, but Bucky soldiered on and rode there nonstop without any rest breaks, determined to get there as quick as possible. God, he prayed you were there. When he finally exited the freeway one town above his destination and found himself driving down the main road towards it, the smell of the salty sea air entered his nostrils. According to the Sat Nav app on his phone, Bucky was less than five minutes out from the town. He knew that the house was located towards the southern end of the area where there were bigger houses in a lesser quantity, basically the much nicer part of town.

  
When Bucky arrived into the area he slowed down considerably as he kept his eye out for the house on his left-hand side. A benign blue house with white posts, two storeys high with a porch and balcony and enough room outside the house to park two cars comfortably. He was also looking for the car and the licence plate without looking too suspicious like he was looking for something to steal. However, two minutes after he entered the area, Bucky finally saw a house which looked very familiar to the one he’d seen in the photos. Pulling up next to it, there was a black sedan parked up the drive with the licence plate Steve had given him. Bucky had found you.

  
He pulled into the driveway and turned off his motorcycle, putting it on the kickstand before looking down at his fuel tank with a heavy sigh. His bike was no longer drowning out the faint sounds of the waves crashing along the shoreline just a short distance behind the house. Bucky’s muscles were a little stiff from riding for almost three hours but it wasn’t the reason for his hesitation, those what-if’s had crept into his mind once again and he wasn’t sure he would be able to handle what he feared the most. He swung a heavy leg over his bike to get off and climbed the steps to the porch, knocking on the front door with confidence. After a minute there was no answer, so Bucky tried again, but he was met with silence.

  
Before his brain was going to have a complete nervous breakdown, Bucky decided to try and call you again and like before he was greeted with voicemail. He had one more idea. Stepping off the porch and walking down the driveway back onto the street, he headed right in the opposite direction he’d been riding in. Riding down the road he’d noticed after about every three or four houses there were small paths leading to the beach and hopefully, that’s where you were. 

 

* * *

   

There was nothing quite as blissful as the crashing of the white waves along the shoreline of the incoming tide, dancing and jumping with beautiful rhythms. They retreated just as fast, allowing the next spell of frothy waves to make their appearance, continuing the idyllic cycle. The water glistened with the rays of sunlight catching the rippling motion of the ocean, the sounds of the waves complemented the beautiful imagery, creating a sense of inner peace and harmony. The golden sand stretched as far as the eye could see and a few beach goers were sat further down the bay, everything caused you to reminisce your childhood here.

  
The memories put a smile on your face, diverting your attention from the darkness clouding your mind and watching the world go by allowing yourself to just relax and focus on the present. You took in every little detail about those who took a stroll along the shoreline, the couples, dog walkers and families, simply observing, watching everything blend together. It was the salt in the air and the vast open space which pushed those dark thoughts and memories as you were sitting on the sand dunes just a mere thirty metres in front of the house.

  
You’d be lying if Bucky hadn’t crossed your mind during the day because he had, and you felt awful for not telling about where you were. By now, you knew that he’d know you were missing, and he’d be pulling his hair out at the thought of you gone without a trace. God, you felt terrible but at four in the morning you had to get away, everything was becoming too much, and your thoughts were weighing you down with doubt and uncertainty. Though now, you wanted him there with you because he always managed to put a smile on your face no matter what. Shutting your eyes, you hugged and your knees and rested your head on them, trying to shut out the world.

  
“Doll?” Your head shot up at the sound of a familiar voice, Bucky’s voice and saw him approaching with quick steps that only became faster as his eyes locked with yours.

  
You wanted to get up and hug him, you really did but your body felt numb and you only managed a weak smile. The light sea breeze was caught in his hair which fell just short of his shoulders, sending it in multiple directions as he closed the distance between you and him, still, he looked good, he always did. Concern was written across his face while he sat down beside and you didn’t say anything, going back to staring into the distance, watching the tide slowing coming in. Bucky sat with you in silence, you could feel his eyes on you, studying your facial expressions and watching your body language, both of which spoke volumes about how you were feeling. You saw him reach his hand over and rest it over yours and your skin tingled at the feel of his fingers gently wrapping themselves around your hand. He gave it a small squeeze causing you to slowly look at him, to see his gorgeous blue eyes that gave you comfort and reassurance.

  
Bucky titled his head to the side slightly and gave your hand a little tug, you knew what he was asking so you allowed him to pull you onto his lap and closed his arms around your body. You found solace in being held close to him and allowed your head to rest on his shoulder and brought your arms up and around his neck.

  
“Bucky.” You mumbled into his chestnut brown hair.

  
“Oh, angel.” Bucky let out a breath he’d been holding in and closed his arms around you even more, his hand rubbing your back affectionally.

  
“I’m sorry.” You sobbed, the tears spilled over your eyes again as you cried into his shoulder.

  
“Hey now, we’ll have none of that. You don’t need to be sorry for anything.”

  
You managed to compose yourself a little and gain the courage to lift your head off his shoulder and meet his gaze and slightly parted pink lips.

  
“I thought you’d be mad at me.”

  
“Doll, I’m not mad at you.” Bucky said softly and started to rub your back again. “I was so worried about you.”

  
“I didn’t mean to take off like that, I swear. I just…” You trailed off, swallowing the lump in your throat and bringing your arms from around his neck.

  
“Had a bad night?” Bucky finished for you and you nodded in confirmation.

  
“All those people I couldn’t save, Buck. All those promises I made them, telling them they were gonna be okay when they weren’t gonna make it.” You shut your eyes, taking a deep breath before opening them.

  
“I know, babygirl.” Bucky shushed, removing a hand from your back and gently taking one of yours again. “Remember everyone you _did_ save out there. Who are alive because of you. Who’re living with their families, watching their kids grow up. You’re a hero Rach, don’t you ever forget that.”

  
That had been your trick with Bucky, turning a negative topic into a positive one and it worked when he’d been suffering from flashbacks about HYDRA. It made your pride swell hearing him use the same tactic, even after knowing him for almost six years you were still learning little traits about him.  Bucky was right though, you had helped save a lot of people on your two tours of Iraq with the Army, whether it was out on the frontline with the enemy or in the field hospital in Camp Bastion. The number of men and women you’d saved far outweighed the number who had sadly lost their lives to war and sometimes it slipped your mind.

  
“Most important of all, you didn’t succumb to the darkness. You fought it, became stronger and used that strength to help other veterans who were struggling. You’ve saved far more people than you realise, doll. Including me.” 

  
His words hit home because you knew they were true and being reminded of it was what you needed at times, just like you, Bucky was always learning about you too. Although you didn’t experience flashbacks as much as you used to, they were something that you’d never be free from. There was no cure from PSTD.

  
“When it all comes back it… I feel like I’ve hit that goddamned brick wall again. I don’t want the memories, I don’t, Buck.” You felt another round of tears coming up and desperately fought them back as Bucky gave your hand a small squeeze. “And getting all worked up like this, I don’t want it to trigger you.” A few tears escaped your eyes.

  
“Don’t ever be worried about that. It was you who helped me control my triggers, especially around other people. I’ve got nothing negative associated with you, cuz of everything you did for me.” He paused. “Women like you don’t come around often enough, most wouldn’t have given me the time and patience you have.” His compliment earned him a small smile from you.

  
“There’s my angel.” He said softly, releasing your hand to gently wipe away those stray tears with this thumb. “With her beautiful smile.”

  
“Bucky Barnes you charmer.” You murmured, playing along with his natural flirting to cheer you up.

  
“Not had any complaints.” Bucky gave you a cheeky wink, causing you to let out a small giggle.

  
Bucky was talented at choosing his moments to charm and flirt with you, sometimes in similar situations, the mood wasn’t there so he knew it wouldn’t be the right time. From watching your reactions, he knew you’d perked up a bit from earlier, giving him the chance to lightly tease you without insinuating anything more intimate. He was a natural at it, something you’d picked up early on when he had started to feel more comfortable around you.

  
“With looks like yours, there ain’t no complaints to be made.” You replied, reaching over to play with a few strands of his hair.

  
“Still crazy for me?”

  
“Babe, I’ll always be crazy for you.” You whispered with a smile.

  
Bucky leaned forward and captured your lips with a kiss, soft and tender as he curled his arm further around your waist with the feeling of your lips against his. He was a passionate lover, but at the same time, he could shower you in affection, making sure your needs were met usually without even asking what it was you needed. When Bucky was about to pull away, you grabbed a fist full of his shirt and pulled him back, arms going around his neck as the kiss turned passionate. It was exactly what you needed.  
You were a little bit breathless by the time you had managed to stop after a few attempts from both of you to pull away, Bucky was wearing that devilish grin of his, clearly showing he enjoyed it as much as you did.

  
“Thank you, Bucky.”

  
“Hey.” He cooed. “I’ll always be here for you, angel. I love you.”

  
“Love you too, honey.” You smiled, brushing your thumb across his stubbled jaw.

  
“Fancy spending the night here?” Bucky asked. “Get away from the Compound for a bit.”

  
You nodded. “Yeah.”

  
“Good, because I’m gonna cook your favourite meal while you take a bath a relax, okay?”

  
“There might be a tiny problem with your plan, Buckaroo.” The edge of your lips turned slightly upwards.

  
“Oh?” He looked intrigued.

  
“There’s no food in the house.”

  
“Don’t suppose you know where the nearest grocery store is?”

  
“Back in town.” You replied, looking over your shoulder.

  
“Okay, we’ll go shopping first, then cook, eat and curl up on the sofa, how does that sound?”

  
“Like the perfect evening.” You smiled and planted a small kiss on his lips.

  
You wanted to tell him and in fact you almost had but Bucky was in a good mood with the idea of cooking for you, so you left it, for now. He needed to know though; he had a right to know because it involved him as much as it involved you.


	2. There's a Light

The smell of Bucky’s cooking was driving you crazy, floating upstairs and into the bathroom where you were currently taking a soak in the tub, as per Bucky’s orders. You had to admit; his idea had been a good one. Surrounded by fluffy bubbles and a lit candle for good measure the only thing you were missing was a bottle of wine but that had been saved for dinner, despite the rough start to the day there was nothing better than a good soak in the bath. Especially when a couple of drops of lavender oil had been added to the warm water, with its soothing aroma filling the air. 

  
Ten minutes later and you finally emerged from the bathroom, wrapping a fluffy towel around your body and stepping through into your old bedroom. It was basic, now that you rarely visited the house, but you were thankful for your parents for leaving the furniture should you ever want to stay there, they always said you were welcome to. And you thanked your past self for leaving clothes in your chest of draws too, quickly pulling on some shorts and a tank top before drying your hair.

  
Coming down the stairs and heading into the kitchen you saw your boyfriend stood at the stove, the sizzle of the bolognese sauce in the frying pan and the bubble of the boiling pasta in front of him. You stopped to lean on the wall, his back was towards you, hair tied back into a small ponytail at the nape of his neck and you imagined the outline of his muscles under his t-shirt working as he went about the simple household task.

  
You smiled at your thoughts, perhaps in the near future you might be seeing more of this, Bucky cooking in the kitchen of the home you had together. Living together, as a family. There was no doubt you wanted that with Bucky, he was the man you wanted to spend the rest of your life with, to grow old with, to never stop loving. A recent discussion between you and Bucky about the future had involved talking about kids, something you both wanted, and he wanted to make an honest woman out of you too. There wasn’t any rush, you and Bucky were both happy living as you currently were, him going out there and saving the world and you working in medical in the Compound.  
“You gonna stand there an’ gawk at me all day?” Bucky spoke before throwing a satisfactory smirk over his shoulder, locking eyes with yours.

  
“Hard not to, big guy.” You replied, pushing yourself off the wall with a smirk of your own.

  
A chuckle escaped Bucky’s lips, turning his attention back to the cooking food and you slid onto one of the stools at the counter island, ogling him once more.

  
“Anything I can do to help?” You asked, peering to one side to look at the countertop.

  
“Nope.” Bucky replied.

  
“You sure?”

  
“Yep.”

  
“I see some spinach that needs cutting and some cheese needs grating.” You said casually with a playful tone to your voice.

  
He spun around to see a smile on your lips. “Doll, I’m making this for you.” Bucky spoke as a matter-of-factly.

  
“I knooww.” You whined, getting off the stool. “I wanna help you.”

  
You approached his side and took his left hand into your own, bringing it across your body and started playing with his metal digits, watching him while he was stirring the pasta. You noticed every little detail about him, the thick, prominent vein which ran the length of his arm, he wasn’t even putting in that much effort to the stirring. Bucky was perfect in your eyes.

  
Can I have my hand back, angel?” He asked, peeking down at you from beneath his eyelashes.

  
"Well, if I do that, that means you have another two to help you.” You replied playfully.

  
Bucky raised an eyebrow. “You’re so persistent.”

  
“So I’ve been told. Has anyone ever told you, you’re the best boyfriend ever?” You asked, forming a sweet smile on your lips.

  
Bucky raised an eyebrow. “Oh, so you’re tryna sweet talk me now into lettin’ you help me?”

  
“A girl’s gotta try.” You shrugged, fluttering your eyelashes. “And charming, and handsome, and strong and-”

  
“Okay, you can help me. Jeez, this was supposed to be romantic.” Bucky huffed.

  
“It still is, cooking with me.” You placed a kiss on his cheek and let go of his hand.

  
“I suppose. At least _you_ know what you’re doing.” He commented as you went around him to his other side. “Unlike some people.”

  
“I can guess.” You chuckled lightly at his reference to Sam's cooking disasters in the Compound and opened the packet of spinach to prepare to chop while he took the pasta off the stove.

  
The spinach was throw into a colander and you stepped over to the sink to wash it under the water before you took your place at Bucky’s side to put it on the chopping board.  
“You got the knife, honey?” You asked, Bucky looked to his left.

  
“Oh yeah, here.” Picking it up, he handed it over.

  
“Surprised it’s not one of yours.” You commented on the large kitchen knife and Bucky laughed.

  
“Nah, they’re still on me.” He told you as you started chopping.

  
You and Bucky worked around each other in the kitchen in perfect unison, you enjoyed cooking with him and there was always a natural flow between the two of you. It brought back the thoughts you had earlier and you smiled internally, the happiness surging through your body.

 

* * *

 

 

During dinner, you were pretty quiet although you tried not to be. Bucky didn’t notice, or as far as you could tell he had and not given any indication to say otherwise, perhaps putting it down to the day you’d had. Nevertheless, he offered to wash the dishes and everything else you’d cooked with and you thanked him for the kind gesture. You ended up helping him anyway, doing the drying and he helped you put everything away back in the cupboards. Conversation flowed, you and Bucky always found something to talk about, interests, each other’s day and how you felt about things in life.

  
Afterwards, you gave Bucky a quick tour of the house with a specific room in mind you wanted to show him and it wasn’t your bedroom. You showed him your bedroom anyway, a vast contrast to your shared room in the Compound. The room you’d left until last was your father’s music room and your favourite room in the house. Opening the door you revealed a bright room, the top half of the walls were blue while the bottom half was an off white colour which complimented the dark varnished floorboards. A sofa was situated next to a bookshelf which was filled with various music books, CD’s and records. Next to that were a stereo player and an old record player that Bucky took an interest in immediately.

  
Various pieces of artwork hung on the walls, giving the room character but your favourite part of it was the old grand piano which was situated next to the open window. The floor to ceiling window allowed the view to be spectacular, looking out over the sandy beach and as far as the eye could see on the crisp ocean waters. Yet it was the fiery orb of the sun which gained your attention as it was slowly receding towards the water in the magenta coloured sky. You'd forgotten how beautiful it the sunset was down here, and you’d spent many happy hours watching it. The sunset had caught Bucky’s attention too, you heard his footfalls behind you as he came to stand at your side.

  
“Holy hell.” He commented, witnessing the scene before him. “It’s beautiful.”

  
“Sure is.” You looked at Bucky to see his pink lips parted slightly, the only other time you’d seen him like this was when you’d gone stargazing with him when he’d remembered his interest in space.

  
“I’ve never seen the sunset on the ocean before.” The amazement was evident in his voice.

  
Bucky slipped an arm around your waist and you leaned into his side with him planting a kiss on your temple.

  
“When I was little I used to sit in here for hours listening to my dad play the piano. And when the sunset came, he used to stop and he’d let me sit on the piano and we’d watch it together.” You told him.

  
“You play, right?” He asked.

  
“A little.”

  
“Can you play for me?” You glanced up at Bucky and he was peering down at you.

  
“I haven’t played in years.” You warned. “Might be a little rusty.”

  
“Please?” He gave you the most pleading look, one you couldn’t refuse even if you tried with his soft gaze.

  
“I hate it when you look at me like that.”

  
“It works, right?” Bucky leant into you, giving your waist a squeeze.

  
“Fortunately for you.” You deadpanned and Bucky grinned, releasing his grip so you could open the key cover of the piano and sit down on the leather seat.

  
Looking at the black and white keys, you diverted your gaze to the sunset and a memory popped in your mind, smiling you knew what song you were going to play. The melody came back to you as you started the opening notes for ‘A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes’ from the Disney movie, _Cinderella._ You’d spent many hours learning the song from your father, it had been your favourite growing up and only when you’d been old enough did he start to teach you. A smile formed on your face, there was a reason you’d chosen this song to play and you couldn’t be any happier.

  
You barely noticed Bucky move behind you, too wrapped up in concentration with the song and trying hard to not make a mistake. Only the soft tune could be heard, filling the room with a raw form of emotion as you played, you could barely hear your own breathing. Bucky sat on the sofa in a trance, mesmerised by watching you play such a beautiful song and from how your body started to sway, it was clear this song meant something to you. Nothing could’ve gotten any better in the moment, especially when he heard you singing the lyrics towards the end.

  
Holding the last note, you looked back at Bucky who was smiling softly from the sofa and you shot him one back.

  
“That was beautiful, angel. Not lost your touch at all.” He complimented as you stood.

  
“Made a few mistakes, though.”

  
“Not to my ears.” His voice was full of pride as you came to sit beside him. “It’s from that Disney movie, right?”

  
You nodded. “Yeah. One of my favourite songs.” Your breath hitched for a moment, feeling the emotion hit you. Bucky sensed the change in you and he gently reached over and took your hand in his to comfort you, but the gesture was almost making you cry.

  
“Didn’t you say your Mom used to sing that one to you?”

  
“Yeah. At bedtime.” You smiled. “You might be hearing it more often.”

  
Bucky gave you a quizzical look. “Whaddya mean?”

  
“I’m pregnant, Bucky.” Your voice was almost a whisper, but your lips formed a smile.

  
Bucky’s eyes widened and his grip on your hand tightened with parted lips while he comprehended the information, you saw his eyes soften and begin to glaze over. Your smile remained watching his reaction, the features of his face brightened as he stared at you, his eyes flickering between you and your stomach.

  
“Are you serious?” He asked, his voice filled with emotion.

  
You nodded, biting your lower lip. “Yes.” 

  
Bucky practically jumped on you, wrapping his arms around your torso and falling back on the sofa, bringing you with him causing you to giggle. He let out a heavy sigh, tucking his legs under himself on the sofa with a shaky breath and leant on you, burying his head into your neck. You clung onto him, grinning widely and when you began to hear him sob, tears pricked your eyes too, soothingly running your hand over his back.

  
“I’m gonna be a dad.” He mumbled softly in amazement into your skin.

  
“Yeah babe, you are.” Bucky sniffled before lifting his head up and bringing his red, puffy eyes to meet yours.

  
“We’re havin’ a baby, doll.” He said incredulously and you nodded your head, gently tucking a few strands of hair behind his ear and your hand came to rest on his jawline. “How long have you known?”

  
“Since yesterday. I took a pregnancy test, well, two actually, I was gonna give you them today as a surprise.”

  
“Angel.” Bucky planted a kiss on your lips and hugged you again, pulling your torso closer to him. He stayed like that for a while and in the meantime, you shut your eyes with your arms still around him knowing Bucky was still on cloud nine from the news.

  
“I can’t believe it.” Another kiss on and smile from him. Bucky was practically beaming and while you were happy too, you didn’t want to be the one to dampen the mood.

  
“Me neither.” You mumbled. “Look, I know this wasn’t planned or anything and I know we said we were gonna wait-”

  
Bucky stopped you. “Hey, so what if we’re moving things along faster than we expected. As long as we both want this.” He rubbed your upper arm. “As long as _you_ want this.”

  
“I want this with you, Bucky. It’s just…” You trailed off, about to announce your biggest worry to him. “The Compound’s no place to raise a kid.”

  
“Then we’ll move out.” He said simply as if it were obvious.

  
Your eyes widened at the thought. “What?”

  
Bucky took your hand in his. “We’ll move out angel, simple as that. Buy a house somewhere, make it our home, for our family.”

  
“That’ll make it harder for you to get to the Compound every day.”

  
“Who says I’ll be at the Compound every day?”

  
“What do you mean?” You gave him a puzzled look.

  
Bucky gave your hand a squeeze. “Sweetheart, I wanna raise this kid with you, I wanna be there when they take their first steps and say their first word. I want to be there for both of you and if that means takin’ a step back from the team then so be it, I will.”

  
“Bucky, you don’t have to.” You breathed.

  
“No, baby I do. You’ve done so much for me. You took in a complete stranger an’ treated my injuries. You sacrificed your job, put your own safety, your own life in danger to protect me, to get me to Europe. You treated me like a normal person, even after I started remembering and told you who I was, what I’d done. You risked everythin’ for me, angel. It’s the least I can do for you.”

  
Emotion filled his voice, his eyes, the air. You couldn’t believe Bucky was willing to do that for you, the team meant everything to him because it was part of his acceptance of his past. Not to mention everyone there too, they’d all played a part of his recovery in one way or another, including him in movie nights and on days out, of course, he’d go everywhere with you. From that, he’d gained the confidence to be independent and live his life how he wanted, freely.

  
“You’d really do that?” Your lips formed a small smile.

  
“Of course I will, angel. I’d do anything for you, you know that.” He planted a kiss on your cheek. “You’re my everything. I love you and I wanna be here for you during all of this.”

  
Your heart lurched at his words, knowing you had such a caring and devoted man such as him in your life and already committed to this baby you were going to have with him.

  
“Bucky.” You mumbled, burying your head into his shoulder and throwing your arms around his neck.

  
“Oh, sweetheart.” Bucky pulled you closer to him.

  
“You’re gonna make such an amazing dad.”

  
Bucky smiled. “And you’re gonna be an amazing mom. He’s gonna be strong and resilient because of you.” He stated and you lifted your head from his shoulder.

  
“He?” You questioned as Bucky sat up a little more.

  
“Yep. There’s a little guy growin’ inside of you.” For the first time, Bucky hand travelled underneath your t-shirt and he placed it over your stomach. You knew right there how protective he was going to be of you and the baby, he had a protective streak about him anyway and this would really bring it out on him.

  
“What makes you so sure?” You asked with a playful look in your eye, gently tugging at his hair.

  
“Because I say so.” He replied with the same look before planting a soft kiss on your lips. “I love you.” He whispered.

  
“Love you too.” You smiled.

  
“Marry me?” He suddenly blurted out and it took you a few seconds to catch on to what he’d said.

  
“What?” You breathed. Did you hear that right? 

  
“I wanna do this right with you. Call me old fashioned, but I wanna make an honest woman outta ya. Don’t have a ring just yet, but when I ask, will you?” From the look in his eye, Bucky was being serious and you wished nothing more but to be the wife of Bucky Barnes.

  
“You kinda already did.” You giggled softly.

  
“You know what I mean.”

  
“I know." A smile crept up on your lips. "Yes, Bucky, I’ll marry you.” 

  
Bucky captured your lips in another kiss, fuelled with passion and desire and you didn't hesitate to return it.   
  
  
“God doll, you’re the best thing that ever happened to me, you know that, right?” Bucky exhaled and you found yourself getting lost in those stunning eyes of his.

  
“I’ll always choose you Bucky, always.”


End file.
